you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize