I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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