Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
