sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you win again, gameday.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize