wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
