i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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