I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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