i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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