Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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