i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
