He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize