yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
