Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
