Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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