you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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