break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
