You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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