new low.... made out with someone while peeing
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
