fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
