Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
