It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
