Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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