We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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