I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
