I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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