I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
