Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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