They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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