We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
