I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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