You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
