you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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