I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
