i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
