my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
