I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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