your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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