I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
