We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
