mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize