kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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