my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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