Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
