This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
