1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
