You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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