you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
