Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize