I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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