I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
