I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize