I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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