That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
