No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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