Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
