shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize