the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
