oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
