Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry becuzfuO_O hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(516): View more from New York

My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.

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(661): View more from California

Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"

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(612): View more from Minnesota

My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!

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(312): View more from Illinois

I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm

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(303): View more from Colorado

He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!

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(804): View more from Virginia

I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...

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(402): View more from Nebraska

let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.

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