I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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