I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
