I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
