you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize