I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
