Who wears a wallet chain?!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
