im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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