Plan B is the new Plan A
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
