just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
pray to the hookup gods
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
