Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
