I faked an abortion last night.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
